How to loose a friend in one day

By Virag Gulyas

This is long inside me. Never talked about, because never thought it can really happen. And frankly? It just hurts too much.

When I wrote previously that I am overwhelmed by the world and all its ups and downs, I meant also that I am overwhelmed by the ignorance, jealousy, frustration and all those things people think they can just put on me, or put on you. But this is another story.

For now, it is enough that I am sick of the terms multicultural environment, tolerance, cultural differences. I am SICK of them! Why? People made me sick of them…

They fake it, they pretend to know what these terms mean, yet in practice they have no idea. They all sound posh terms, especially during an interview. Since who would not want to hire a person with all these fabulous attributes?

But these features are very trendy in friendships also. We leave our country in order to gain the ability to cope with different cultures, to adapt to multicultural environments and to learn tolerance. We go to study programs, then we go to work to an international firm or just take our backpack and go couch surfing. We all feel so cool about ourselves! We have friends from all over the world, our Facebook friend list raises from 560 to 1001 (unknown) friends. We enjoy showing off with our new friends with different culture, different religion or different sexual orientation.

No, do not say it is not true! You know it is!
Honestly? I have done that, faced with that and then got sick of it, because it is just artificial, empty and fake.

Let me tell you: My travelings did not make me more tolerant, they did not give me the ability to cope with multicultural environment or cultural differences!

What made me all these, is sitting in one place one day and observing myself quietly; and see how I approach these terms. This is what helped to develop and get out of my comfort zone. Face with my limitations and grew beyond them.

Its tough, it takes time, it takes effort.

And sometimes, some people, who were once very close to you, just cannot keep up with you. They let you down, they talk you down, and then they leave you. And you are broken. You let them break you because you are not strong enough yet. It hurts. Very much. And you cry…

You cry on the shoulder of the person who did not do nothing, yet being him showed you ‘How to loose a friend in one day‘. Here comes the trick: This person is you boyfriend. He did not do nothing, Actually, he is the most amazing person you have ever met. Yet, he is somewhat different. He is somewhat putting challenges in from of people. You know how? I tell you. It is very simple: He has Israeli origin.

Israeli? Yes, he is Jewish. (Oh the lectures I could give on this topic already!)

So you have this very close friend. A he-friend actually. You spent your Uni years together. You knew everything about each other. He liked you, you liked him. You proved that there is true friendship between man and women!

One day, you invite him to the country you relocated to visit you and to introduce your other half to him. You are excited and happy, you prepare everything, as if the King would come over. Two important people in your life were just about to meet! Wonderful!

The moment came, they met and you immediately feel something is wrong. But you are so excited that you leave this feeling behind and just talk, talk, talk.

There came one occasion you really could be alone with your friend. ‘Finally’ – you think, you can get his view on your hyper-super boyfriend. (This was the time when your boyfriend went to the toilet … oh! He did not think, his urgent needs will be the beginning of an end…)

Your friend gazing at you and tells you in a distanced manner: ‘Hey, you really found yourself a Jew? I thought we hated them!?’

I gave him a look. Or rather I gave him The Look.

Yet, he continued.  ‘Did not you also make fun of them in the Uni?’.

(Here it must be said: who did not make fun of Jews when your 
question was answered with a question, or when you asked for a sandwich from the buffet and you answered how much you pay me for it – referring to the stories: Jews just wanna make money;
Yes, I did! It was fun, it was played with Jews even, it was in line with the unwritten ethical codex)

My boyfriend came back and offered a drink to my friend…..

The next day my friend flew home. And, you asking what happened after?

I have never heard of him anymore. 

He accepted my Jewish boyfriend’s food, car drive, time and jokes. He loved traveling, meeting with new people and adapting to new culture. Yet, he could not accept all these in reality. He was faking the modern person! Deep inside, he had none of the three attributes….but what is even worse. He was not a friend either.

I lost my best friend because of my life, because of my Jewish boyfriend. And no! He was not the only one!
In this highly tolerant, amazingly multicultural world of ours, where we seek to learn other cultures, I lost several of my friends because they were just faking something, they have never been!

So, I ask you to stop for a moment and to forget all what you think of yourself based on the stickers people, life and you put on yourself until today; and be honest with yourself. Would you be a real friend or would just leave?


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